I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
