He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
