You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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