I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
