oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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