she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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