Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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