You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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