I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
