It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
