So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
