I got her a Nickelback box set.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
