Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My liver just had a heart attack.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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