Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
