haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize