just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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