does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
