u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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