I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize