I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize