Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
