i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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