I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
