let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
