Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
