is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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