My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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