im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
