SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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