We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
