he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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