Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
