walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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