The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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