How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
