Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just pee around me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize