I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize