So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
