So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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