I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
