Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
