my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
