i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
