I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize