i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
