There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize