when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
