I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize