smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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