The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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