Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
