This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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