Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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