I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
