i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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