I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
