Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You pole danced in your parka.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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