went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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