It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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