I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize