shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I smell stomach acid.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize