Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
