Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
my shit smells like andre
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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