Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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